Hawaii Honeymoon Part IV

Our time on Kauai was split into two discrete segments: for the first four days, we stayed at a fancy resort and worked strenuously to relax on and nearby the complex. For the last ten days, we rented a car and moved to a second-floor condo in Kapa'a overlooking the tidepools, allowing us to travel around the island and experience some of the more heady excitements and hikes.

While on the resort, we had an hour-long outdoor couples massage in an airy tent on the beach, and listened to local musicians sing really bad Hawaiian music for a hula dancer while sipping free Mai Tais. When I was obviously not getting over my strep throat anytime soon, we took a local taxi-van to the nearest clinic, which was housed in a humidly-coloured building that could have been taken out of any Dharma Initiative setting in LOST. The doctor took one look at my throat, prescribed a week's worth of painkillers and antibiotics, and then tried to ply me for government secrets.

On our last day, we tried out the pool, which was split by volcanic rocks into a wading pool, and lagoon, and the pool proper. There was also a twisty slide with fourteen safety rules but no lifeguard which we went down continuously until the fifty-year-old couples swimming nearby were convinced to try it out. Old guys on slides are funny.

Once we had secured a convertible for the latter half, we explored every part of the island except for the farthest west points, where the sand roads would have voided our rental contract. We passed the mountain that looked like King Kong's head daily, as well as the mountain shaped like a sleeping giant that looked more like a mountain.

An activity that was definitely worth our time and money was the Kauai Helicopter Tour (through Jack Harter). We flew over and through the nooks and crannies of the island like the cast of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids in an English muffin, and did it all in a helicopter with no doors on it. The hour period is just enough time to see every part of the island while still lingering over some to take pictures of dolphins and Hawaiian ghosts.

We also took a day to go snorkeling at Anini Beach, where I saw a bunch of Nemos and Dory's as well as some Jabba-resembling sea cucumbers, but I am incapable of snorkeling without getting ocean water in my pipe at least once every ten minutes.

Towards the end of the trip, we visited a wildlife refuge at Kilauea Lighthouse on the North Shore filled with the nests of wedge-tailed shearwaters and their fuzzy spawn, just inches from the travel path. We also saw several endangered monk seals basking on the rocks -- monk seals have the luxury of getting the paparazzi ropes put up around them on any beach they decide to rest on (and it's illegal to harass them), but on the flip side, they have no one to hump.

When not harassing the monk seals or making fun of the "seen-better-days" hotel that was decorated like a giant albino Oreo cookie, we went hiking. Those hikes will be the final section of my Hawaii Honeymoon write-up, so stay tuned!

To be concluded someday...

Cave brothers inherit billions from lost grandmother
Groom Twitters from the altar
Up in arms over kangaroo chips

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