Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Stuff in My Drawers Day


"The Man with a Pan", or "Why You Shouldn't Count On Sixth Graders to Write Worthwhile Childrens' Books"

That little spindle fiber on the word Virginia is apparently a mouse. There's one mouse in each picture, not unlike the higher quality book, Goodnight Moon.


I started the book with half of a couplet on each page. This soon became too ambitious, as you shall see.


All parrots say "BRAWK". I'm not sure how well they tan.

The man is thinking so hard about his luxury limo with miltary grade satellite dish that his hat is levitating over his pate.


That's one scary-assed cumulonimbus cloud.

If your rhyming scheme is less iambic and more iamnotbic, you can stretch out sentences with useless adverbs like "really". Reciting this page aloud will make you sound like Barney Rubble in the Fruity Pebbles Rap.


Enforcing the values of hard work and determination in children, this book teaches you that if you get lazy early on, gold will come to you.

Gold in its natural form is a doubloon.

Kids today would know that this much gold should be stored in a bank account in the Caymans. In the late 80s, your foyer was just as secure.


My childrens' book doubles as an eye chart.

Billionaire uses teens to clean asbestos
China covers suicide bridge in butter
Hairspray triggers teen's alcohol monitor

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