Friday Fragments
where the Internet elite mingle with the ragtag dregs of society
When I first sat down to write today's entry, I didn't have a clue as to what I should write about. Normally I have a small short-list of one or two sentence ideas that didn't quite fit anywhere during the rest of the week which I digest into the intellectual diarrhea which explosively spreads across the Internet, preserved forever in the Internet Archive 
.
With the Internet Archive, you can metaphysically go back in time to the halcyon days of your youth. You can see what the Chompblog looked like in its first month of existence (very yellow), or how Google's layout has changed (very little). It will not, however, work on older versions of the URI! Zone, because when I built my time machine, I went to the future and learned Javascript, which I then used to detonate all of the Internet Archive's copies of my pages. Apparently my 1998 practice of dynamically writing entire pages does not play well with historical preservation. I should have just used my time machine to go into the past and patent my work, so I could have made some cash from the whole DHTML fad.If I owned a time machine today (it got confiscated by the Time Police last year) I would not be able to resist checking in on my future self and all my friends. I'd want to know every detail of my future existence -- where I live, who I marry, and what I do. Sure it might take some of the surprise out of life, but I also wouldn't have to worry about making the wrong decisions ever. Most importantly, I'd want to know when and how I die. That way, if it's particularly embarassing (like a tuna fish mishap) I can try to change it. I would also throw a big party with all of my savings the night before.There's a site called futureme.org 
where you can send yourself a letter at some set time in the future. This is kind of a unique gimmick, although it would have been much cooler if you could send them to the past you. I can think of several junctures in my life where I would write back, "What the hell were you thinking??" Yes, with two question marks.When I started writing my last name with an exclamation point in high school (which I started doing for no really good reason except to be unique but ultimately just turned out to be quirky, and/or pretentious, depending on who you talk to), some of my friend started signing their names with question marks.I knew some peculiar friends in high school. Two of them, Dutton and Mike, once dropped trou in the middle of the band room after a football game and sang "The Old Grey Mare". I think it came from an episode of the Simpsons, but am not 100% sure about that.
I haven't watched a new episode of the Simpsons in years. They're making a Simpsons movie next year, which is somewhat sketchy. The only way fans will be appeased is if it's an endless chain of cameos by important characters, and they already do that quite well in the thirty minute timeslot every week. I don't think ninety minutes would necessarily improve anything. I thought the show was always funny enough to watch in syndication while cooking my friend chicken, but never hilarious enough to warrant a sit-down on Sunday night for a new episode, but I'm sure more rabid fans will be camping outside the theatres. "Friend chicken" in the previous fragment is obviously a typo, but it's cute enough to leave in. I suppose that if chickens would really take the time to get to know me, they'd be my friend, ignoring for a moment, the fact that I eat pieces of them with Cajun fries once a week for lunch.I was considering which fast-food restaurant makes the best fries on the way home yesterday while eating the fries from Popeyes and couldn't make up my mind -- it's either Popeyes or McDonalds. What do you think?I think the next big thing in fast-food will be to have a fast-food restaurant that amalgamates the best parts from every other competitor and puts it all together under one roof. You could order a Wendy's burger with a side of McDonald's fries and Quiznos Honey Mustard. If you would like some venture capital to get this started, see me in about ten years. I get to eat for free though.Have a good weekend! Come back on Monday for treats and toys. Boardwalk is so 1950 DARPA plots emergency man-cannon. Not that kind of man-cannon. "Friend" left as a gas deposit
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