Friday, September 23, 2005
Friday Fragments
In honor of my trip back to Tallahassee this weekend, I shaved off my goatee, so now I look exactly like I did when I lived there. Actually, I'd been considering shaving for a few weeks, since I've had the fuzz for about two years and I wanted a change. This is coming from the guy who rearranges the furniture in his house at least twice a year. My chin is now as smooth as a baby's ass, and I bet my being carded at the grocery store would increase by 15%, except for the fact that they already card me 100% of the time.I don't know if it's legal to use "baby" and "ass" in the same sentence unless your baby is trekking through the Nevada wilderness on the back of a donkey, so just presume that that is the case.
Last week, a virtual plague hit the online world in World of Warcraft 
. Players found that they could contract the disease from an end-game monster and then teleport home before dying to spread the disease to other players. Apparently the administrators of each gaming realm tried to quarantine the infected players, but people kept escaping until the plague spread all over the world. I hear that weather effects are the next thing to be implemented in one of the next patches. How long before Hurricane Booty hits Orgrimmar and people's Maine Coons (I mean, Black Tabbies) are in danger?
Don't forget to fill up on gas today to avoid the automatic surge in prices that will occur after Hurricane Rita makes landfall. My friend who posts under the moniker Oompa Loompa Girl, her husband, and their woofer, Chewy Chomp, (or some similar name with Chew in it) have already fled Houston for parts unknown. When I lived in Tallahassee, only one hurricane ever came far enough inland to reach the city (about thirty miles inland) and by then it was just a bunch of rain. I was on the second floor so I barely noticed, but I'm sure the first floor had fun being flooded with swimming roaches. There were roaches everywhere down South.On the subject of hurricane pets, some lawmakers are introducing a bill requiring evacuation plans to include pets, in hopes that more people will leave if they know their pet will be safe 
. I approve.I have a program that parses my server logs every day so I can see all the cute things that random visitors and Rob Kelley type into Google to get to my site. Recently, I've noticed a massive increase in URLs for online poker and pharmaceuticals. People have actually written programs that automatically visit websites and dump their advertising URLs into server logs, which seems pretty silly, because who's ever going to see their efforts besides the guy in charge of the site? I should download such a program and spam the Internet with www.itsatrap.net.
The Quiznos ads from a couple years back with the crazy fuzzy monkey cut-outs singing were really awesome. These new ones with the talking babies are the complete opposite of awesome (awesome * -1 for Math majors). Babies with superimposed moving lips that sound like adults are creepy, and do not make me want to buy any subs. In other sub news, the Subway Sub Club is no more:. I always saved those little stickers, but I never had enough on me at any given time to qualify for a free sub. There would be three in my wallet, two in my desk, and a few more in the cubbyhole of my car.
Speaking of creepy, here are a few things I find creepy: dolls that go to sleep when horizontal but wake up when vertical, contortionists, and old-looking buildings in the middle of nowhere. We went to see Exorcism of Emily Rose last night and it included all of the above. For a hybrid movie that's half courtroom drama and half horror, it was very scary. I've never understood how movie people can just go back to sleep after unexplained scary stuff wakes them up in the middle of the night. Someday there should be a smart heroine that gets the hell out of town as soon as weird stuff starts happening. It would be a short movie, but much more realistic.Ruby Tuesday has changed their menu again since last Saturday. I won't tell you how I know this, since it would be incriminating to admit that I've eaten at the same restaurant twice in the same week. Hypothetically speaking, if I had eaten at Ruby Tuesday last night, the menu change would not have affected me, since I would have just gotten their tasty chicken fingers again .I don't always order chicken fingers when I go out to eat -- it just looks that way because Ruby Tuesday's are so good that I get them whenever I hypothetically eat there. Everywhere else, I get a burger or popcorn shrimp. My basic food groups are: meat, cheese, potatoes, seafood, and chocolate. Correction, seafood is limited to seafood you don't have to work at to eat. Why waste all that time cracking open a crab for an Asian-sized sliver of crab meat when you can eat 90% of a shrimp without any effort besides chewing? I'm flying out of Dulles this afternoon after work. Hopefully the scattered thunderstorms won't affect my flight times, since I actually have one of the rare flights that doesn't require sitting in Atlanta for three hours twiddling various parts of my body. I will be back on Sunday at 3:33 pm. This is almost like 2:22 but nowhere near a sexciting. Sexciting was a typo, but I left it in because it's cute. I presumed sexciting would be a noun describing a Class A sexual misdemeanor, but a search on Google reveals that most people think it's an adjective. Have a good weekend! The Clinton condom will be the top of the line. The Monicondom is not quite as good. Making mosquitoes pee Cops mistake sunflowers for marijuanaYesterday's search terms:
hokie paraphernalia, information about john bellair the author the spooky writer, "fitness made simple" lyrics, you are sick creon!, "nuclear launch detected" carnage, does macado's take hokie passport, dental utilization the iceberg theory
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